I'll never forget that moment when I saw the words "PREGNANT"
We had been trying for 5 months at this point. I looked down as I was washing my hands in the bathroom of our friends house. We had decided on a whim to take a last minute trip to spend our 3 year anniversary in Texas. I had bought the test earlier that day and hd been praying for a positive. I had taken so many recently and all were negative. Until that moment I had only prayed, and day dreamed about what it would feel like to know I was officially having my first baby. EVERYTHING changed in that moment. It hit me hard, and I did not react at all the way I had planned to. I picked up the test, and walked into the garage where my husband and friends were waiting for me. I looked at Michael and held up the test to show him. I was shaking and literally could NOT SPEAK. Michael then realized what I had done and realized by the look on my face we were becoming parents.
Like I mentioned, we had been actively trying and I wanted nothing more than to start a family of our own. We decided to surprise our parents while we were in town and it was absolutely perfect. We had already seen everyone by this point so the element of surprise was immensely in our favor.
I called my sister and told her I wanted to come by to see Malachi and Trinity. She had NO idea. It was incredibly exciting and then she said "I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I have held onto this book for you." She handed me Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy. I mean I had heard so many horror stories about birth, about how you don't sleep... I've heard the jokes between other moms about what their lives had become. But to be honest did I REALLY listen to what they were saying? Nope. They were speaking a complete different language to me. When my sister told me gift ideas for my niece I had to literally call her in the middle of the day and ask her "This Doc. McStuffins, is it the same as Shopkins or what?" I did not know what I was really getting myself into. I feel like everyone is told the same thing over and over but none of us understand or can relate so when it's 2 weeks in, 4 am feeding, you can barely keep your head up, eyes open, your nipples are so raw, you really can't recall when you showered last... Oh yea, you realize this is what they were talking bout. But did they tell me I would be thinking I made a huge mistake or be asking myself "What the F##K have I just done to my life?"
It's so easy to tell a non-parent that it's worth it. Really do I remember every detail of what I went through, how I felt? No. But I do remember feeling sad most of the times. The beginning is the hardest because everything is so new and different. I can tell you all the things that worked for me and what didn't work, but in the end it could be the complete opposite with you.
You are overwhelmed with everyone telling you what to do during pregnancy, how to prepare for this... I do not ever remember being told, So, you can go through all these birthing classes, have a birth plan, decide all of these things, stress about it all while being pregnant, expecting labor will go as you wish, for it turn out to be NOTHING I COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED. Not one single thing went like I thought or even hoped.
We all learn through experience, and grow as we make mistakes. No matter how hard you try you will NEVER be able to control your child like you think you can. You will be eating crow and doing EXACTLY what you swore you would never ever do. Lincoln still has his paci at 2 years old, he watches Paw Patrol when we go eat at a restaurant or want to go hang out with friends. He does not eat his veggies every day and sometimes he drinks too much chocolate milk. But we enjoy every day we have together and we do what we can to make our days the best we can.
I was not told my son would be the size of a 3 year old before he was even 2, or that because he is a larger kid he won't walk or crawl for that matter anywhere near the time you expect. I was not told how it would feel to be Mom shamed. i was not told how much time i would waste stressing and worrying about little things that did not matter.
My one solid piece of information, tip, or advice I wish I knew then what I know now, no one can ever really tell you how your child will turn out. Do NOT worry if they are not doing every little thing like another kid. Lincoln was late on a lot of things, but he is so far ahead on others. If you spend too much time worrying about something you can not change you will literally waste time worrying instead of enjoying and soaking up every moment with your little one.
The days may feel long, but the years go so fast.
Be sure to check out Cia's blog post 7 Secrets You MUST Know About Pregnancy! It's a great & honest read that'll have you laughing!!
With kindness & love Kenzie